The symptoms of
PMS (
Parked Motorcycle Syndrome ) have been well documented by the medical profession and renown faith healers in biking circles.
The condition is rampant in the winter months.
The more obvious signs include:
Yelling at weather forecasters on television.
Putting on your helmet in the house.
Cursing each day of winter.
Regarding your home as a prison.
Telling people to 'Shusssssh', whenever a motorcycle is thought to be heard.
The feeling that your spouse has not stopped talking since the first snow fell.
Sitting at an eastern window for hours on end, drinking, waiting for spring, like a character in a Russian novel.
In some acute cases, the afflicted individual becomes utterly listless, attempts to live in the garage, and responds only to simple questions by making motorcycle sounds.
One extreme case affected a rider in the same manner as Tourette's syndrome.
From December 1st through March 31st, this gentleman sporadically peppers every conversation with his mother-in-law with the word '
bitch'.
Note - He returns to normal the first sunny day in April, greeting this dear relative with an apologetic wink.
Another symptom is that they will study the weather forecast the same way brokers look at stocks.
Yet in the enthusiasm of getting out on the road there is sometimes a tendency to discount the safety margin where the forecast is concerned.
Riders subject to
PMS have been known to devised a number of ways to deal with the symptoms, which gradually subside with longer, warmer rain-free days.
It has been known for people to place a TV on a stand in front of their bike in the garage and watch motorcycle races, and shows like 'The Long Way Around,' while a fan blows wind in their face.
From time to time, their concerned better half
may be encouraged to come out and lift up her shirt to add to the realism
,
but not all women are this understanding.
When I suggested a similar arrangement, my wife thought the garage might get too cold for me, and suggested she could
leave the car running to warm things up.
One cure for PMS is to
plan trips A real trip plan calls for mapping out routes, setting an agenda, choosing hotels or camping grounds, and picking dates.
Really getting into it means figuring out the things you want to see or picking the kind of roads that leave you exuberant, and dripping with sweat.
These two objectives are not always parallel and unless you're riding alone, choosing the folks you ride with can be more important than the destination, or how you get there.
Some riders also combat PMS by getting out on every clear, dry day in the winter
It may be cold, but I hope my electric's can take care of that.
Some peoples primary concern is the gravel and
sh1t left on the road from a prior freeze.
We all hate getting salt residue all over the engine covers
but I must admit that's a small inconvenience when compared with the chance to get another day's ride in.
It isn't much fun in waiting endlessly inside for spring to arrive as there are a lot of pleasant 5⁰C days in January and March.
So get on out there, when you can 
